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Hazleton, the city of dreams. This is what our forefathers said when they came here. Now their grandchildren have to deal with the harsh reality... Hazleton ain't that great.
From the home office in Pardeesville, Pa. here are the top ten things to do when you are in Hazleton, whether you are just visiting or you live here.
10. Watch your clothes wash.
9. Drive up and down Broad Street and annoy people.
8. Walk in a large circle at the Laurel Mall.
7. Fight people.
6. Find a mine shaft and go spelunking
5. Attend a school board meeting. They're funny.
4. Be real rude to people for no reason other than boredom.
3. Visit one of the 10,000 pizza places.
2. Visit the Hazleton Museum that is never opened.
1. Drink Beer.
Some on sent me this. I don't know who the original author is but it was too friggin' funny to pass up.
You are from Hazleton if....
1. You consider dining at a fancy place eating at the Knotty Pines.
2. You couldn't wait for summer to come so you can hang out at Angela Park.
3. You ever were in the Funfest Parade and waved to people.
4.You ever went downtown early at Funfest so you can put your lawn chairs out to save a good spot.
5. You know what Skate Odyssey was.
6. You and your mother ever shopped at Young World and ate pretzels from the counter.
7. You used to get Ice Cream from Scoopers when it used to be Farmer's Dairy.
8. You had a birhthday party at Alladin's Castle or the Magic Touch.
9. You used to shop at Discountland.
10. Your favorite drink is a Farmer's Iced Tea with a straw.
11. You ever hung out at the lot.
12. You ever cruised Broad Street.
13. You ever packed the whole family up to go watch the "wonderful" fireworks display at the stadium.
14. You ever hung out at the
Laurel Mall and then McDonald's on a Friday night when you were in Junior High.
15. You ever went to a dance at the YMCA.
16. You ever owned a pair of acid washed jeans with holes and
lace going up the side. (Jeff's note: I never owned a pair)
17. You work 5 jobs at the Laurel Mall.
18. You considered getting Wal-Mart as moving up in the world.
19. You ever shopped at Deisroths.
20. You ever went to the Rat Trap.
21. You remember when Ollies was K-Mart and K-Mart was Ames and when Ames was Zayres.
22. You remeber Gee Bees.
23. You say ain't. (even though ain't ain't a word)
24. You say youse guys when speaking to more than one person. (Jeff's note: I'm guilty of that.)
25. You ever ate at the Big Wrangler.
26. You drive a pick-up that is more than 6 feet off of the ground.
27. You used to rent movies from Unlimited Video.
28. You can remember when Dominos was Kentucky Fried chicken.
29. You can remember when Hazleton Cinemas was only two theaters.
30. You can remember when the Key theater was really the Majestic. (Jeff's note: Or the Hershker sp?)
31. You depend on Channel 13 for the news. (Jeff's note to his boss, I did NOT write this)
32. You ever watched Spotlight Talent Showcase.
33. You ever bought a feather at the Funfest and clipped it in your Hair. (Jeff's note: Who is this person????)
34. You ever visited St Josephs Hospital on a field trip.
35. You were ever spun around on Dr. Childs' head.
36. You anticipated the Bishop Hafey Bizarre to be one of the year's
best social events.
37. You recall field trips to Eckley and purchased coal.
38. You feared the evil repercussions of sitting on the stone couch.
39. You lived off of Vesuvio's.... and then got kicked out by the old Italian man who doesn't speak English.
40. You know what "pitz" means.
41. You were delighted when Perkins opened as The Blue Comet alternative for late-night eatin'.
42. You refer to The Blue Comet as "the Vomit".
43. You vomited after eating at the Blue Comet.
44. You were pushed down a steep hill in a shopping cart.
45. You stole lawn ornaments for kicks.
My friends if you can relate to at least 5 of these you are a true Hazletonian whether you like it or not.